Motherhood (part two)

So the labour thing:

When you are pregnant and you discuss labour with any of your friends and acquaintances who are parents you are often told that: "In the end when you have the baby it will all seem worth it!". This little comment will seem alternately daft, inane, and just generally unhelpful. I am here to tell you that it is in fact all worth it in the end. The most amazing thing comes over you once you have a newborn child in your life. I am not sure if it is anxiety at the fact that you are so clueless when it comes to child care, exhaustion from sleeplessness and the sheer demands of looking after someone's every need 24/7, or some kind of magical hormone released during/straight after labour but you seem to forget about all of the yuckiness and discomfort of labour literally as soon as they place your baby on your chest.

Connecting with baby:

The above "worth it in the end" phenomena, however, does not mean that you immediately magically connect to your baby. Frankly, it is all a bit alien. Sure you have been waiting to meet this person for 9 months (and significantly longer depending on how long you were trying to conceive) but you sort of sit there with your uncommunicative child trying to guess the nuance of every little cry, squeak, and squawk. For the first while this interpretation is rather rubbish and you basically stick to the major triumvirate of things which can be wrong (hungry, wee/poo in nappy, and tired). Then the fun begins for real.

Baby "is having an off day"/"Could be teething"/"might have a tummy bug (which is going around)":

At about four months of age you are now a bit of an expert with cries (grunts, squeaks and groans), can spot a dirty/wet nappy at 50 paces and have probably managed not to pass out while immunisations were administered. Then one morning you wake up and baby wakes up and they are just "off". Your normally happy, healthy baby is grotty, grumpy and just looks wrong. But don't worry the health visitor tells you...it's normal - baby's just have off days. And what you should do? Why give them some baby paracetamol - you know...drug them! Ah that's right! Sounds like a plan! Sigh! Mostly you just obsess with the other Mummies about what could be wrong - comparing baby health complaints in a similar way to swapping trading cards. And mostly it works out just fine.

Cuddles, contented sighs (yours and baby's), and loving looks

In the early days of baby's arrival you don't have much to do with the top end. Sure food goes in, and you kiss it there - but most of the action (or interaction I should say) takes place in the nappy region. This is the only place (apart from weight gain) where you can gage feeding success and the over all health and happiness of your child. Reasonable and intelligent people begin to "read" nappies in the way that soothsayers used to read the cards or auguries in the skies. You and your professional type husband can often be found looking into a nappy with a look on your face that resembles those of lottery winners. This is not crazy or sad - just normal behaviour when you have nothing else to go on.

Then something magical begins to happen. Baby starts to see you. And you suddenly have it reinforced for you to what degree you are their whole world. Their little faces turn towards you like flowers to the sun. Then even better - they giggle. The sound of your child's expression of joy and pleasure is something that you seek out. You have an intimacy with them in a way that you have never had with anyone else. These wordless communications are so profound that you are moved to tears (bless them but baby looks on at this mess with utter confusion). Tenderness also sets in around now. Madeleine has a habit - halfway through a feed of looking up at me adoringly with such a quiet and gentle look on her face that it never ceases to melt my heart.

New sounds are also introduced into your life - the best of all being the contented sigh. Where does this repertoire come from you ask...I don't know but it is surely a miracle - and well worth the confusion of the first days and months. And you find yourself sighing right back!