Money...Dealing well with it makes you an adult

The above statement is something that I have repeating in my brain a lot these days. It stems from the fact that I would like to be my best self for my new husband.

Sadly, I am not very good at money management. It is not that I am totally irresponsible (well not all the time anyway) but I think it is in part because until I moved to the UK I never had it in any form that one would like to call abundant, regular or above the poverty level.

...Interestingly, before moving here I never had a job I liked, a good partner or peace of mind...so I guess I have acquired quite a bit since arriving here...

I am a bit of a binge organizer - or pretty much a binge everything (another area of my personal development which could use some growth/work) so I pay my bills in a rather "huge-chunk-at-a-go" fashion and then sort of sit around with my Spartan bank account going: "sh*t outta money again - wonder why!?". I am so off the hook that I have to keep printing out a calendar showing when I have my standing orders paying what - and now that we have a joint account, a e-savings joint account, to add to my existing current and e-savings current, and visa accounts my little head is spinning!

But none-the-less I have discovered that when you bank online you don't really feel that same juvenile thing of "I don't wanna pay my bills coz it's my money and why should they get it!" you did when you wrote a check or slapped down the cash. It is like going to the dentist and having not only the anesthetic work while having a root canal but also never having it wear off. So...Now all I need to do is to work on the other bit of my problem: binge payments!

All this is of course brought to you by the fact that I just got an increase and it made me wonder how much more money a month I would have to squander - and then when I added up the current amount of waste I blushed. Time for a detox! So now...To budgets and not bingeing!

This should be fun - another thing to add to my list of ever-growing OCD games: Compulsive Balance Checking...But I guess if I look at the balance enough I may begin to actually remember the numbers!!

Thanksgiving or "Action de Grace"

The Campbell family of Montreal will be sitting down to turkey, trimmings and pumpkin pie today at my father's house. They will do the usual over-eating of the various servings: my brother will eat extra stuffing for me I hope, and the gravy boat will be scrapped clean by the end of the night.

Today will be the first major family oriented holiday celebrated since my mother died in June of this year. I can only imagine how strange that will be when the table is set and they all sit down to eat. Thanksgiving is not normally much of a holiday for reflection - in my parents' house it was always a time to celebrate the bounty of our lives. This year I can only imagine that it will be something a bit more.

This past year has been a watershed that I think it cannot be said to be an "annus horribilis". Too many wonderful things happened and too much joy was had in 2005 to completely render it rubbish. But it was a year of extremes. Collectively we managed to bury a mother/wife and two pets, become single again, move home, get married, sell a second car, and go on a holiday to Africa.

This year every human emotion was brought forward, like suits of clothing hanging on the rotating rack at a dry-cleaners; each tried on in quick succession and then switched for whatever came up next: it did not lend itself to graceful or elegant appearance. To say that we are a strong family of survivors is to understate the case in the greatest possible way.

For myself I feel quite isolated from the rest of my family. Things have moved on and I have had my share of joy and despair like the rest. Geography means, however, that I will not be sharing some of the integral mourning rites. I have not been able to walk into my parents' home and see the absence of my mother or see the fact that my father is getting on with getting on. I will not be sitting down with them today and see someone else sit in her chair at the table, or miss her participation in the circus that is cooking for a major holiday meal.

In my home province of Quebec the holiday is known as "Action de Grace" and until this year I never really thought about its meaning. Translated literally it means "the act of thanks giving". It has made me think that perhaps Thanksgiving should be an action because sometimes it is not accompanied by a heartfelt natural sentiment. Sometimes it takes a ritual to force you to physically stop and do thanks giving and remember all of the things that might otherwise become over-shadowed by the negative things we find so easy to bring to mind when summing up a year.

So this year I hope when we all sit down to our respective meals that we manage to act our thanksgiving and I hope that when we raise our glasses we can drink a toast to the natural sentiment reappearing in our hearts next year.

Buy everything mode...or Wedded-bliss cliche No. 2

Today our surround sound system arrived...And amazingly this brought out the petulance in both my husband and I. Possibly this is because of the struggle with the usual lack of customer support/after sales that goes on in the British Isles...or it could also be the evil plot that is the installation instruction booklet, plus the tail end of a tummy bug each...whatever...we were not having a happy and joyful post consumption moment.

Now the opening statement in this missive should really be the big - "yea" of the event...because now that is working we are likely to sit in the lounge and say "oo" and "aw" about it! (Well once we are sure we have selected the correct remote! there are 3!!!).

It is strange that when you get married all you do is buy things...suddenly you are an adult and need stuff to go with your newly acquired adult status. So here we are in a flat that looked like the before shot in the "Flowers for Algernone" scenario (down to the bare light bulbs) and suddenly within a month there is actual decorating going on.

What is most intriguing in all of this is that it more my husband's initiative than mine - granted when I first arrived two years ago I was keen to start the feathering process...but after several discussions which ended (reasonably) in "we don't have enough money for that and a wedding" I let it drop. So when he was eager to get the new television I was left standing there like a tourist with my mouth hanging open! Even the suggestion of bookshelves from IKEA did not phase him (although the shopping experience was not all that a girl could want - think Navy SEALS, think "we leave no man behind", think specific mission with no side forays into other areas without intense discussion/negotiation).

So now, armed with our kick-ass/we-are-selling-tickets-to-our-livingroom home entertainment system, our bookcase, our new rug and a reallocated side table we have this properly decorated space...My goodness we even have the equipment for hanging the paintings and pictures received as wedding gifts. (Luckily I know where the nearest defibulator is at the local train station - I'm feeling woozy!)

So, sitting here typing on my newly purchased MAC keyboard, on the monitor accessed with the new KVM switch I find myself in an expansive mood and have that deeply satisfied feeling of someone who is in there castle and enjoying, unashamedly, their new stuff!

NOTE: All this is brought to you guilt-free by regular recycling, charitable donations, and many years of being denied fun by a student income level...Oh and flossing!