Today is brought to you by the letter "H" for "Happy"

Above are a couple of pictures of my wedding day on June 18th of this year. My husband and I had already been married at the hospital on the 15th so that my Mother (who died the 16th) could witness it.

You may ask yourself about the title of today's blog. You may think that under the circumstances I shouldn't be able to think happy thoughts about my wedding without feeling sad ones about my Mum's death. You would be wrong.

I am deeply saddened by my mother's absence from my life. The poignancy of a day like my church wedding was made by her not being there. It underlined for me that she will not be there for many such occasions. It also underlined for me the fact that many similar occasions in my family's past had been tinged with sadness because of her cancer or her inability to participate fully in an event.

Mourning is a strange process. It is like oil on water, spreading itself over the surface of otherwise beautiful things.

After my mother died I had difficulty in separating out the beautiful things that had happened on the day that we married in the church. To celebrate the little victories and special moments of the day felt like picking birds out of an oil-spill in the ocean - beautiful and vital underneath but coated in the tar that is having a member of your family die after many years of suffering with cancer (21 years).

Initially, I couldn't even look at the wedding photographs. I struggled with the thank you notes because, in addition to the wedding gifts, I felt that I should somehow mention how kind each person had been about the death of my mother. My husband, quite rightly, pointed out that this was not appropriate. This was the first stage of separating the two events.

So today, when I was giving some images to a colleague who writes the in-house newsletter to go with an article announcing my marriage, was one of the first times I have looked at the pictures of our day.

Darren looks handsome, I actually think I look decent in a photograph (for once), and what I see when I look at the pictures is my loved ones all around me; laughing (as they should) and sharing in the joy of our celebration. I am able to remember that our wedding day was really perfect. Most of all I see us. Darren and I.

The honeymoon has finally begun!

So let me sing it: "Oh Happy Day!"